Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

“Miss, can you please f*ck off? I’m trying to learn.”

In the last year or so I have been sharing some of the more comical insults I receive on twitter. They’re always my most popular tweets.

Student: Miss, ur a MILF*

Me: That’s not appropriate to say to me

Student: (with genuine look of concern) Oh miss I’m sorry, don’t u have children?

Me: No

Student: Oh I’m sorry. Ur an ILF then.

Me: Nope, still not appropriate.

(* MILF = Mum I’d like to f*ck).

During a school trip I had organised everything for, with a student I have taught many times:

Mayor: And who is this teacher? (points to me)

Student: Dunno, guess she helps out a bit sometimes.


Pupil: What does catastrophe mean?

Me: It’s similar to a disaster.

Pupil: Oh, like this lesson then (he went on to do the most work he’s done for me – ever).

Pupil coming out of science lesson on sex organs:

Me: Did you learn anything new?

Pupil: Yes, you’re the same as a chicken. You’ve got eggs too.

“Miss, can you please stop breathing? It’s putting me off my work.”

Collecting a student from their taxi:

Student: Miss, why are you collecting me today?

Me: Because it’s my turn, anything wrong with me collecting you?

Student: Your face.

Pupil: Miss, I used to really like our sessions, but now you have ruined my life.

Me: Oh gosh, I’m sorry to hear that, what makes you think that?

Pupil: You’ve introduced homework.

Pupil: Miss, you’re unique

Me: Oh thanks

Pupil: No Miss, that is not a compliment.

Pupil-Whilst defiantly stropping off into the corner of the room:

“Miss,I don’t need YOU anymore, I have a DICTIONARY now!”

(Pupil proceeded to do their first completely independent extended writing piece.)

“Miss, can you please f*ck off? I’m trying to learn.”

Now enjoy finding your own! Another game to help us not take it all quite so personally….and do share 😊


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